One of the biggest concerns in any separation, divorce, or dissolution proceeding is often: “How will this affect the kids?” And for good reason.

According to a landmark 25-year study, adult children of divorce have more unstable father-child relationships, greater reluctance about commitment, and less education than their non-divorced counterparts. Also, these children carry very impactful, and sometimes traumatic, memories of the process of forced custody and visitation.

In a recent op-ed piece by Beth Behrendt in the New York Times, she recounts an associate’s adult reflection on the hardship of being split between two lives.

“It was 30 years ago but I will never forget my little sister sobbing uncontrollably every time we had to move houses. It was awful.”